Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I am midnight drunk by noon
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you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
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I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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