no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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