Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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