Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Success! We fucked roommates!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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