Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
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It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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