I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
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Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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