god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
you never un-have a 4some
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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