please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
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I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
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I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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