The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
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sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
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And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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