Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
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He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
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I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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