I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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