My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize