He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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