I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
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Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
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Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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