We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
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Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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