the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
please come you make the beer taste better
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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