My underwear smells like fireworks.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize