I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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