I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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