Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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