do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
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I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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