I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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