I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize