I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
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We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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