turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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