I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize