The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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