My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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