I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have fence marks all over my body
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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