This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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