When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
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Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
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is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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