Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
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they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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