Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize