Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
try to milk me bitch
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