I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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