He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize