I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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