So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
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I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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