remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize