if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize