Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize