Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize