This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If I die, sorry about rent.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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