Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So here I am, sexting at work.
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