Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize