she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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