i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
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of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
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we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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