You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
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And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
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Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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