Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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