So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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