Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
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So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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